4 Things I Wish I Knew About Emotional Regulation Before Becoming a Mom
Because calm isn’t the goal—connection is.
Motherhood has a way of bringing everything to the surface.
Your baby's meltdown at bedtime? It reminds you of how no one came when you cried. The sticky mess, the noise, the whining? It pokes at parts of you that never felt safe, seen, or soothed. No one tells you that becoming a parent might bring up your childhood wounds.
So if you're wondering why you're overwhelmed, snapping more than you want to, or struggling to stay calm, you’re not broken. You’re just human. And you're not alone.
Here are four things I wish someone had told me (and the moms I work with) about emotional regulation in motherhood.
1. You’ll Need to Learn How to Regulate Your Emotions First.
Most of us weren’t taught how to self-soothe.
We were told to “calm down,” “be good,” or “go to your room.”
So when our babies cry or our toddlers scream, we might find ourselves shutting down or exploding—not because we’re bad moms, but because we’re triggered.
Regulation isn’t about forcing calm.
It’s about noticing when you’re dysregulated—and gently bringing yourself back.
That starts with awareness.
“I’m feeling overwhelmed.”
“My jaw is clenched.”
“My chest feels tight.”
You can’t co-regulate with your child until you learn to check in with yourself.
2. Emotional Regulation isn’t Always Staying Calm
Let’s be clear: regulation doesn’t mean you’re always composed or whispering softly.
Sometimes regulating your nervous system means:
Throwing a pillow across the room
Screaming into your car steering wheel
Shaking out your arms
Letting yourself cry, stomp, or dance it out
You don’t need to be zen to be regulated—you need to feel safe being yourself.
This is especially true if you're healing from trauma. Your body might need movement, sound, or big emotion to complete the stress cycle. Regulation is about feeling your feelings without getting stuck in them.
3. Regulation Takes Practice (and Support)
Even professional athletes have coaches. Even therapists go to therapy. If emotional regulation feels hard, that’s not a personal failure—it’s a skill that takes time, repetition, and support, especially when your nervous system has been through trauma or long-term stress.
You don’t have to get it perfect. Small moments of regulation build on each other:
Taking three deep breaths
Drinking water
Stepping outside for 60 seconds
Asking for a break
Each time you tend to yourself, you’re rewiring your brain and body for more safety. And that matters—a lot.
4. Perfect Isn’t the Goal—Repair Is
If you’ve ever spiraled after snapping at your child, you’re not alone.
But here’s the truth: your kid doesn’t need you to be perfect. They need to see what it looks like to be real. To make mistakes. To say “I’m sorry.” To show that rupture can be followed by repair. Every time you name your feelings, apologize, and try again, you’re teaching them resilience. You’re showing them it’s okay to be human.
You’re not raising a robot—you’re raising a person. And you’re allowed to be one, too.
You’re Allowed to Struggle—and to Get Support
If you’re doing all the things and still feel like you're failing, pause.
You are not meant to carry it all alone. Emotional regulation, especially in the postpartum period, is not instinctual for many of us. It’s learned. Re-learned. Practiced. Supported.
And therapy can help.
I’m Anne—a therapist who works with moms navigating anxiety, burnout, trauma, and identity shifts in early parenthood. My approach is direct and collaborative: we walk through this together, step by step. You don’t need to have it all figured out to get support.
Whether you’re dealing with rage, guilt, shutdown, or just feeling off—our work is about helping you feel more grounded, more connected, and more like yourself again.
I offer a free 20-minute consultation—no pressure, no commitment. Just a safe space to explore if therapy might help you feel more supported in this season.
👉 Book your consultation here.
